I haven't told too many people about this because it was a very disappointing experience, but I had a speaking role in Sex And The City 2 that got cut at the last minute. I recently found the footage and I figured I let you all take a look. I thought it fit the movie perfectly but when a movie is tipping the scale at 3 hours something needs to get scrapped. Oh well, that's Hollywood for ya...
After scribing that brilliant post on Wednesday about the first Cds I ever owned, most specifically MTV Party To Go Vol 5., I remembered that not two months later my parents followed my Uncle's lead and gave me MTV Party to Go Vol 6 for my 9th birthday. I know right?! That left me with with not 12, but 25 ill chart toppers at my disposal. And dare I say it, Vol 6 was even better than Vol. 5. I ain't telling you no misruths! See for yourselves you naysaying instigators..
Man oh man, if I understood what sex was when I was nine and didn't think it involved bellybuttons I would have been getting my hump on to this mix day in and day out. Tevin Campbell, R. Kelly, and All-4-One all on one disc, just add some pureed tomatoes in there and you've got yourself a heaping bowl of chilled Sexpacho.
Fun Fact: I forgot to mention in the last post that Haddaway's real name is Alexander Nestor Haddaway... haha, Nestor. Christmas Time, 3rd grade, I received my first boom box and three CDs. Incredible. I spent all of Jesus' fake birthday listening to Aerosmith's Big Ones and R.E.M.'s Monster while muted reruns of 80s SNL occupied mine eyes. The third Cd, The Original Cast Recording of Pippin, laid dormant in it's plastic sheath (My 3rd grade class sang the opening song from Pippin, "Magic to Do", and my parents thought I would love to hear the rest of the whimsical suckfest... they were incorrect). The next day we packed up the Jeep Cherokee Lorado and headed out to the wet and wild northern regions of New York State to visit relatives. Clearly, my uncle got word from the inside that I received a radical box of boom as well as two collections of steaming rock and roll (and fucking Pippin, a musical tale about a magical prince coming out to his parents... I assume), because he provided me with a fourth CD that day. Four CDs! At this rate of album consumption I was well on my way to becoming a fat snobby record store owner with patchy facial hear and an unused penis! Oh, to dream!. The CD my uncle provided me was MTV's Party To Go Vol. 5. Whoa. Intense. I had the rock, I had the show tunes, but now, now I had this compilation of urban treats. I could finally relate to the one black kid in my class! To fully comprehend my elation one must take heed to the list of tracks on this sextacularly fly mix... If my nine year old self didn't cry when someone tried to make him dance he would have boom, shook, shook the room and whoomp there it is'd until his Samba clad feet bled. Instead, he laid on his stomach, head facing the speakers, slightly lowering the volume whenever his parents walked by. It was fucking awesome.
"Well, knockin' da boots actually means two boots coming together, making tasteful lust" - H-Town If you have a job that allows you to listen to music, or if you are an unemployed asshole like I soon shall be, then I ask you to partake in the Peter Cetera Challange! The challenge consists of only listening to recording artist and songwriter Peter Cetera, for the entire day. That's it. It's that simple... simple, but dangerous... Will you go insane? Will you become Peter Cetera's biggest fan? Was what I just wrote redundant? Oh the excitement and intrigue of it all! I'll get you started with my favorite Cetera ballad, "Next Time I Fall In Love" . Let the games begin... This... Is... CETERA! If you decide to take the challenge let me know how it goes by leaving a comment!
In celebration of me giving my two weeks at my awful customer service job while having no concrete prospects, I have decided to post a blurb I wrote a while back about a particularly stupid customer interaction I had when I first started....
_________________________________________________________ I work as a customer service representative for (durblahdur).com (durblahdur).com is a flash site that sells women's clothing and other bullshit . Below is an email I received today... “I am a 38 year old white male your product line does not interest me but I thought you should know that when you ad comes up on the side of my screne it looks like the girl has one leg and that is a bit disturbing at a quick slice. This is putting a negative association with your name. good day.” This is how I actually responded... “Hi Corey, Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us. As much as we appreciate your concern with our ad we find it odd and a bit offensive that you consider limbless people “disturbing”. Why would it be wrong or disturbing to have a one legged model? How do you know that the model in question isn’t in fact legless? Clearly you are not in the know when it comes to today’s fashion because one legged models are currently all of the rage. Calvin Klein, Tommy Hilfiger, Christian Audigier, they all use one legged models. Some of them only have the left leg, some of them only have the right, it doesn’t matter, they are a hot commodity regardless. I was actually a model at one point. I unfortunately had to fall back on my costumer service degree because I was having a hard time finding work. Guess why? I got both legs. Good day” _________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you want to check out more dumb stuff written by shitty customers check out the gems my fellow coworker (who shall remain nameless) compiled... I had the privilege of attending the "Live At Letterman" Wilco session at the Ed Sullivan theater last night. It was the first time I saw these gentlemen live and I was thoroughly impressed. Below is their performance on the Late Show earlier in the day and below that is the link to check out all of last evening's performance. Try and find me! I'm the one in the second row with my peen out... just kidding, just kidding, none of the cameras ended up catching my crotch, only those in the seats around me got to enjoy that treat. No YOU'RE bad! Da Whole Show!
Things to look out for aside from my beautiful face: - The David Bowie looking guitarist having guitar solo seizures/orgasms - The end of "Impossible Germany", nothing crazy happens, it's just great - A lot of white dancing, some call it "rocking out" or "grooving" - Jeff Tweedy blowing me kisses I have been a fan of Ben Folds since I was in 7th grade. His music is the only thing that I liked when I was 12 that I still like now (No, believe it or not I DON'T still like listening to The Mighty Mighty Bosstones and watching City Guys). One thing I think he does to perfection is cover songs. Every song he has covered in his career is better than the original, IMO (that stands for Icelandic Meteorological Office. It's not relevant to this post but it's a great office). Below are some of my favorite covers by the bespectacled aging piano nerd. Ben Folds - Sleazy (Ke$ha Cover) I've never actually heard the original version of this song, and I am going to make it my mission to keep it that way. I almost made barfs while writing Kesha's name with a dollar sign. Ben Folds - In Between Days (The Cure Cover) I like the Cure, but sometimes Robert Smith's voice sounds like a sad mongoose being force fed hot dogs. If you want to listen to a well written song by The Cure, but you don't want that, "I want to take a time machine to the 80's and kill myself" feeling, then I recommend this Ben Folds cover. Ben Folds - Get Your Hands Off Of My Woman (The Darkness Cover) When The Darkness first hit the scene (ugh, "hit the scene"? Who am I?) I thought they were fun in a retro butt rock sort of way. When I go back and listen to them now ,especially this song... eh not so much. However, the Ben Folds version still works for me. Ben Folds - Bitches Ain't Shit (Dr. Dre Cover) He had me at "lick on these nuts and suck the dick". Hell, everyone has me at "lick on these nuts and suck the dick". It's pretty easy to have me.
Here are some others: Lost In the Supermarket (The Clash cover) Such Great Heights (Postal Service cover) If you are a caring human being than I assume you worry about the child and teen stars you grew up with from time to time. Is Rider Strong doing okay? Is Sam from Clarissa Explains It All paying his rent on time? Is the guy who played Jordan on My So-Called Life now donning a faux hawk and guy liner and singing in an awful, AWFUL band? I sure hope not! One former child actor I do not lose sleep over though is Fred Savage, and that's because Fred Savage is doing great. Let's take a look at his post Wonder Years life: - After The Years ended he spent his time rocking out (most likely with his penis out) at Stanford University. I'm sure he did some quality but controlled drinking and used his adorable attributes to rake in some boner cover-uppers (that's my new term for vaginas, let me know what you think!) - In 1998 he had an awesome cameo in his little brother's show, Boy Meets World. He played the "cool professor" who crosses the line by hitting on Topanga... and by "crosses the line" I mean "dominates". Here's a clip, It's stupidly altered but you get the idea... - In 2002 he had the absolute best part of the pretty decent adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis' Rules of Attraction. - Then he was like, "Acting is like The Man, man, and The Man is bringing me down. I was Kevin "Fucking" Arnold, I don't need to prove nothing to nobody!" and he got into TV directing. He started with shows like Even Steven's and That's So Raven (to be ironic, obviously), but now directs the best things ever, forever and always! 1 episode of Modern Family! 3 episodes of Happy Endings! 9 episodes of Party Down! 18 Episodes of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia! Everything Glenn Howerton is saying in this video is correct... So as the title so eloquently states, you ain't gotta worry bout Fred Savage... Ben Savage maybe, but not Fred.
Hi fwiends, I just started writing for this new TV based blog called Character Grades. I will have a weekly column devoted to the new show, Dinopalooza... I mean Terra Nova. The CG squad posted my first article yesterday and I would really appreciate it if you gave it a look...
Hype-asaurus Rex: The Buzz on Terra Nova After reading my post do yourself a favor and browse the rest of the site. All the contributors are super funny, especially my two friends Jack O'Brien and Mike Hadge. If you don't want to give it a look I totally understand. I just want you to know though that if I don't get at least 50 hits by the end of the day I'm going to kill something cute.... maybe it will just be a ladybug, small, insignificant... but maybe... When I first started this blog I got all excited and thought up all these weekly segments and I was SURE I was going to stick with them...It's now two months later and I kinda stuck with the Wake Up Video thing but have completely left the other segment ideas in my car for hours with the windows up... and in this metaphor it's mid summer. So from now on I am just going to stick to randomly posting shit without any structure, like a wild recluse, cruising down the highway on his hog, or a flower child freakin' out all the squares on Capital Hill, or like Emilio Estevez, doing coke and hanging out with porn stars and getting fired from One and a Third Chaps. Now that I got that out of my system, here's the Song of Day! It's by a gentleman named Chilly Gonzales, and no, he's not the janitor at your office who always seems cold, you racist. I've listened to this about 20 times in the past two days and I need to share it with my online community. It's funky and happy and makes me want to go disco dancing with puppies and free spirited elderly people... AT THE SAME TIME! WHAAAAAAT?! I can't wait to bring you guys a new song every single day, same time same place! It's great sticking with things!
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